Baader-Meinhoff Phenomenon: on Relationships

When the student is ready, the teacher will appear. ~ Zen Proverb

I’ve been experiencing the Baader-Meinhoff phenomenon around the topic of relationships lately. For those who aren’t aware, this oddly pronounced phenomenon is taking place when an individual beings seeing or hearing something over and over again. Or, as one quippy website states:

Anytime the phrase ‘That’s so weird, I just heard about that the other day’ would be appropriate, the utterer is hip-deep in Baader-Meinhof.

Lately, I’ve been experiencing this phenomenon as it relates to relationships. But more specifically, why I’ve been creating space in my live to deeply and carefully cultivate relationships. I’ve read two very powerful snippets from two very different sources today alone, so I wanted to be sure to share. The first is the March 15th thought of the day by Eknath Easwaran, a spiritual teacher from India. It reads:

Our modern way of life seems to be making us busier and busier about less and less. It is only after we begin to taste the joy of simple living that we realize how much all this frantic activity can stand between us and our fulfillment. The more we divide our interests, our allegiances, our activities, the less time we have for living.

Loving, loyal personal relationships take time. We cannot get to know someone intimately in a day or establish a lasting relationship during a weekend conference. If we spend eight hours a day at our job and the evening watching television, where is the time for cultivating close friendships? If we simplify our lives, we shall find the time and energy to be together with our family and friends, or to give our time to a worthy cause that needs our contribution. The simple life doesn’t mean bearing with a drab routine; it means giving our time and attention to what is most important.

And then, this afternoon, I continued reading the book I just discussed Monday, The Best Yes, and found this gem:

This beautifully messy band of people I call my own needs time together. Space to connect and process. Conversational threads are what make up the fabric of relationships. We must take time. Make time. To be together. To connect. To talk.

And this isn’t natural to me. I’m a task girl. I like accomplishing things. I like the thrill of moving forward, creating momentum, and geting stuff done.

But the more I choose to pause and talk and really connect, the more I discover the thrill in the sacred spaces of relationships. Leaving room in my life for the unrushed yes strengthens the fabric of my relationships so they can better withstand the wear and tear of everyday life.

And even more, giving priority to relationships does something good in my soul. My soul needs to resist the rush. I love what my friend Ann Voskamp says, “Rushing is for amateurs.” I agree. But I don’t always live like I agree. I need to be reminded that my soul needs time for relationships.

So much wisdom in both of these passages. But the big take home point for me is that we need to simplify to deepen. We need to simplify our lives in order to create the time and space to cultivate relationships. They take time. And they are sacred.  All the energy we are putting toward intentional simplification is energy we are using to create the space for what matters. Because at the end of the day, at the end of this life…what we will remember are the sacred spaces of relationships.

~Rachel